


Smitten (A Clandestine Drabble)

by ditzymax



Series: Clandestine Drabbles [3]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alcohol, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Penetrative Sex, Smoking, Some Objectifying of Women, Squirting, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 05:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17074340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ditzymax/pseuds/ditzymax
Summary: Jungkook was only supposed to find a hot girl to hook up with after a night out to celebrate his friend’s birthday - not become utterly smitten with a beautiful and mysterious woman.





	Smitten (A Clandestine Drabble)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings & Features: some objectifying of women; profanity; some alcohol consumption; some smoking; graphic sexual content (fingering, squirting, penetrative sex); mushiness
> 
> Author’s Note: As always, it is not necessary to read this in order to understand the main Clandestine story, but reading the main story is recommended for maximum feels.
> 
> (This begins 7 months before the events of the main story.)

##  **【Jungkook’s POV】**

_Her tits look amazing in that dress. So does her ass. She’s got T and A for sure._

But  _Christ_  her laugh is annoying.

It’s fine, though, because Yugyeom saw her first, anyway. And she is clearly just as into him as he is into her. She has been giggling drunkenly from her place wedged between him and the pool table for nearly two whole minutes now as he acts the gentleman and tries to help her line up a perfect shot.

I glance over at Jimin, and he raises his eyebrows at me over the rim of his beer glass. He feels the same way I do, I can tell. But since Yugyeom is the birthday boy, we know he can pick up any hot girl with a terrible laugh he wants tonight.

Yugyeom was also the one who had chosen this place for the night of casual celebration he wanted. Despite the close proximity to our workplace, Jimin and I have never been to this particular bar before, so we were fine with it. The music and the drinks are good, but smoking is still allowed here, and while I am not staunchly opposed to that, I am not particularly keen on it, either.

When I look back at my other friend, he is whispering something into the young woman’s ear; something shameless, judging by the way she blushes and begins giggling even louder. I can’t help but wince at the high-pitched, ear-grating sound and excuse myself to grab another beer.

By the time I return to the pool table, Yugyeom and his “date” are no longer in sight.

“He left,” Jimin tells me as he racks up the colorful balls on the table. “Probably in a hurry to get that girl moaning instead of laughing.”

“Yeah, probably,” I say with a snort. Then I add with a sigh, “She was the only hot girl here, though.”

I had been hoping to score a hookup of my own tonight, but the average level of attractiveness in the clientele is lacking. The overhanging smoke seems to add a layer of gloom to my disappointment.

Jimin grunts and nods at my assessment. “Yeah, I know, right? Ah well. You wanna just keep playing?”

“Sure.”

I beat him in a round and get most of the way through beating him in the next when out of nowhere, I see a woman I hadn’t noticed earlier sitting at the bar counter. Even with only a backside view, I can tell she is gorgeous just by the way the other nearby patrons are eyeing her. There is no one sitting immediately beside her, however; she appears to be alone.

Her hair is long and red and curled. Her dress looks like liquid gold with the way it moulds to her body. Smoke from the cigarette tucked between her fingers curls upward in a white-silver wave. When she turns her face to the side, I catch a glimpse of long black eyelashes and ruby red lips. Her tongue pokes out to swipe away a stray drop of her cocktail, and I follow its path with rapt attention.

She is practically a shining beacon in surroundings such as this.

The vision I am enjoying is suddenly disturbed by a pair of fingers snapping sharply directly in front of my nose. I blink hard and notice Jimin smirking at me knowingly.

“I doubt you’re her type, Kook,” he says, pointing a thumb in the woman’s direction. “I don’t know where the hell she came from, but she’s a legit, bonafide  _ten_. No offense, dude, but there’s no way you have a shot.”

Before I’ve even heard everything he is telling me, something possesses me to set down my pool cue mid-game and walk right past my best friend in order to prove him either right or wrong. I half expect each step I take to strip me of this hasty confidence, but instead I find myself totally unable to turn away, as if there is some sort of literal magnetism to the woman.

“Is this seat taken?” The overused, cringe-worthy words slip out of their own accord.

“Help yourself,” the woman offers without looking up from her martini glass. Her voice is a little deeper than I expected but still quite feminine and pleasantly smooth.

I sidle myself on the stool to her left and take advantage of the chance to study her from a closer view. Her chest isn’t as impressive in size as the one on the girl Yugyeom left with, but probably still ample enough to fill my hands - if I should be so lucky. I still cannot get a good look at her face, but from her outfit, jewelry, and hairstyle, she certainly appears more “put together” than Yugyeom’s girl.  _Posh_  might be the word I am thinking of.

I ask if I can buy her next drink, and the corner of her mouth perks up as she brings her cigarette to it and agrees.

“It’s not very polite of you to ditch your friend,” she tells me after the bartender sets the fresh drink in front of her. “ _‘Bros before hoes’_  - isn’t that what the kids say?”

I snort into my beer at both the familiar saying and the way she is essentially calling me a kid right now. She herself doesn’t appear to be more than a year or two older than me, but I suppose I could be mistaken.

“Don’t worry, he’s done his fair share of ditching,” I come back smoothly. “Maybe it’s time I returned the favor.”

She finally turns her head to look at me directly. As soon as she does, I realize that, without a doubt, she is the most striking person I have ever seen. I try to take in every detail of her face as quickly as possible lest she turn away from me again too soon - the small mole above her left eyebrow, the curve of her cheekbones, the shape of her nose and lips.

The combination of her teeth outlined in a boxy crimson grin, the white smoke billowing from her nostrils, and the sparks dancing in her green, cat-like eyes hits me hard. Jimin was right; I don’t stand a chance. I’ve just entered the dragon’s lair only to discover that I am way too far out of my league. But it’s too late to turn back now.

“I’m Kinsoo,” she introduces.

“Jungkook,” I reply.

Kinsoo inhales a drag from her cigarette and starts to look me over shamelessly, and my confidence begins to return. I automatically shift to grant her a better view. She may be a ten, but setting all humbleness aside, I know I am a solid eight, if not a bit higher. I know I have a handsome face well above the average man’s, a fit and well-built body that I have worked hard on, and a history of flustering women with my smile.

My looks have certainly afforded me some privileges in life, and I am heavily placing my hopes in them to pull through for me now. I need to earn this woman’s approval based on my appearance alone because I cannot for the life of me think of anything to say to convince her that she should come home with me tonight.

“Tell me, Jungkook,” she speaks up suddenly in that alluring voice. She extinguishes the remainder of her cigarette in an ashtray and takes a single sip of the new drink before continuing, “Would you like to keep me company tonight?”

Her words may be ambiguous on the surface, but I do not mistake her meaning. A small, skeptical part of me searches for signs that she is teasing me. Surely she knows exactly why I sat next to her and bought her a drink. People probably do this with her all the time; it must get tedious, and she might just be humoring or making a fool of me to amuse herself.

I could be kidding myself, but it doesn’t  _seem_  like that’s her game. Her eyes aren’t exactly windows into her mind at the moment, but she looks serious in her proposition.

_Should I just ask her outright if she means what she is saying? Or should I play it cool?_

_Be confident, Jeon. Is it really so far-fetched that a ten wants you?_

The idea that she does actually want me the way I want her is all that will fit inside my brain as I lick my lips and nod my head.

 

* * *

 

I barely have a moment to shove open the front door of mine and Jimin’s apartment before Kinsoo’s lips are molded over mine again - not that I am complaining. If my assumptions are correct, she wants to have a wild night of losing herself to pure lust with another person, and I am more than happy to be of service.

I pull her even closer and groan at the way her tongue licks at mine. After kicking the door shut behind us, I guide her around and walk her down the hall as carefully as I can with the limited amount of attention I am giving to our stumbled path.

“Lights on or off?” I mumble against her moving lips when we come across the threshold of my room.

“Whatever you want,” she breathes back.

I hesitate for a brief moment. My bedroom isn’t exactly an upscale hotel room, but I don’t want to blow my chance to see every naughty thing I hope to do with this woman. My dick strains desperately against my zipper at the prospect, making the choice for me.

I flick on the lightswitch and Kinsoo hums with what seems to be approval at my choice. She flings the door shut behind us before pressing me up against it by pressing herself up against me in a fluid motion.

Although I was just thinking about how much I want to see and watch her, I can’t help but close my eyes as I lose myself in the sensation of her lips on mine. I may be content just to continue making out with her for a couple hours. The smell and taste of her is an addicting combination of lush smoke and spicy cinnamon that I would gladly have seared onto my lips and clothing permanently.

I boldly bring my hands up to the back of her head and lightly twist my fingers in her hair. She whimpers something lyrical into my mouth and rocks her hips into mine with an urgency I reciprocate.

Kinsoo takes a quick second to break apart from my lips and glance behind her, then pulls me by my shirt towards my bed. She stares me in the eye as she walks backward. Her eyes seem to be mirroring the same desire she is surely seeing in mine. Her lipstick is smeared, and her hair is a bit disheveled from where I had gotten handsy with it, but I have never seen a sexier sight in my life.

“You’re so fuckin’ hot,” I blurt eloquently.

Kinsoo bites her messily stained lip and smirks crookedly at me as she tugs upward on the fistful of cotton in her hands. I lift my arms so she can slip my shirt off and eye the skin she uncovers.

“You’re pretty fucking hot yourself, Jungkook,” she says. She drags a black fingernail along one of the ridges of my abs, and I shudder at both the touch and the compliment.

“Yeah?  You like what you see?” I ask, feeling shy but trying to be cocky.

“Very much,” she assures me with a quick kiss to my lips. I smile at her and she smiles back for a second, then sits herself on the edge of my mattress and starts working at the button and zipper on my jeans. I hastily kick them off along with my shoes.

The muscles in my thighs twitch as she passes her warm palms over them. My dick twitches, too, when she slips her fingers under the fabric of my boxers from below. She finds my hard-on and grasps it firmly from inside my underwear, easily drawing a groan and some precum from me.

As thrilled as I am to have her touching me, and as eager as I am for her to continue, the fear of coming too quickly from excitement makes me reach down to stop her before she has barely even begun.

“Wait, let me touch you first,” I whisper.

Kinsoo smirks again at my request and stands back up. I waste no time in reaching around to tug down the zipper of her bright dress and pulling away the material until it hits the floor with a crinkling flop. She slings the beautiful gown away carelessly with her foot while I take a step back and admire her lingerie. It is not a matching set, but the pretty, pale pink bra hugs her tits nicely with laced cups, and the black panties are cut high on her hips, making her legs seem to go on forever, especially in her heels.

“Do you like what  _you_  see?” she asks me after a moment.

I raise my eyes back to her face to see her looking at me expectantly, but not in a cocky manner. Is she feeling shy, too? I can’t imagine why on Earth she would, but then again we  _are_  two strangers standing practically naked in front of each other for the first time.

“You are so beautiful, Kinsoo,” I tell her with what I hope is actual eloquence this time.

She breathes out a sweet note of laughter and smiles at me again, then turns more serious. “Come here. Touch me, Jungkook.” She reaches back and unhooks her bra to toss it away and further entice me.

I step towards her but hesitate to put my hands on her bare, milk-and-honey skin. She has to be the one to wrap her arms around my neck and reconnect our lips. She presses flush against me, and the way she fits in my frame is so satisfying.

Before I know it, she falls backwards onto my bed and pulls me down with her until we are both horizontal. I grunt when her hips roll up into mine with the same urgent desire as before, and suddenly I cannot touch enough of her at one time. I grope at her chest, her hips, her thighs, anywhere I can reach. Simultaneously, my lips wander down from her lips to her neck to her collarbone and then to the valley between her modest breasts.

“Jungkook, take off my panties,” she urges. “Please don’t make me wait.”

I yank the skimpy fabric down her legs as she kicks off her heels. My fingers trace upwards along her inner thighs with minds of their own, and Kinsoo’s breath hitches when they skim the naked lips of her pussy. She is already much wetter than I expected her to be, and my dick takes credit for it by straining with pride.

I look up at her face just as I start to push a finger into her slick pink hole. She looks straight back at me and bites her kiss-swollen lip again. The tight muscles inside of her beckon me deeper until I am in to the last knuckle. Her eyes flutter shut when I feel around for her g-spot, and her hips lurch when I find it.

“More…” she whispers. It sounds like a beg, and I have no intention whatsoever of denying her anything she wants from me tonight.

I draw my hand back just far enough to make way for a second finger to slide in beside the first. Kinsoo keens at the tight fit and moans out a simple yet encouraging  _yes_  while rolling her hips again.

I pump my fingers as quick as I can while still ensuring I hit that particular sweet spot inside of her with every plunge. Her pussy feels fantastic around my fingers; warm and soft and  _so wet_. The entire lower half of Kinsoo’s body starts fidgeting on the bed, and it isn’t long before filthy squelching noises fill the room. My attention becomes torn between the sight of my fingers disappearing into her glistening sex and her beautiful face contorted in pleasure.

I lick my lips and ask her huskily, “How’s that feel?”

She opens her emerald eyes to fix them on mine. “It feels amazing,” she praises. “Will you touch my clit, too?”

_Happily._

I lower my thumb to rub at it like she asks, but I must press too hard too fast because her legs immediately jerk sharply.  My face flushes in embarrassment over my eagerness. “Sorry,” I mutter and let up a bit.

“No, it’s good,” she assures me. She brings one of her hands down and places it on top of mine to harden the pressure again and guide me in a few rotations before dropping her hand away. “S- _so_  good. Keep going. Please. Just like that.”

I keep going. I watch her head roll against the pillows and her mouth drop open. Her hair is fanned around her face in a fiery ring. Her chest rises and falls in stutters as her breath shortens. At one point, she licks her lips and swallows a choked whimper before continuing with her heavy panting.

It becomes increasingly difficult to continue concentrating on moving my thumb one way and my fingers another way - like patting your head and rubbing your stomach simultaneously - so I resolve to drop my face between her legs and latch my lips onto her clit in place of my thumb.

Kinsoo gasps instantly at the new sensation and gently twists her fingers in my hair. “Oh god,  _yes,_ ” she pants. “That’s so  _good_. So fucking  _perf_ -” The rest of her exclamation is replaced with a deep moan when I graze her g-spot with my fingertips again, and I can’t help but grin at the effect I am having on her.

Soon enough, though, I join in on her moaning because she tastes as good as she smells. I run my tongue down from her clit to meet my fingers at her opening and gather a better helping of the wetness leaking out. She tightens the grasp she has on the fistful of my hair but that far from bothers me. In fact, the gesture only boosts my pride in the job I am doing.

I return my lips to suck on her swollen clit and pump my fingers faster. She whines and whimpers continuously and undulates her hips restlessly. I can feel her body tensing and her pussy squeezing me in tighter pulses. She seems to be coming apart much quicker than most of the girls I’ve fingered and gone down on. Sometimes it has taken me the better part of an hour to get a girl to come - after I’ve worked my jaw into stiffness and my forearm into rubber.

Suddenly, Kinsoo sputters, “Ah, Jungkook, wait... it feels... I’m gonna... oh god- _oh, fuck_!”

I lift my head as she starts to squirm away from me, but she doesn’t get far before she stills again. She lets out a high-pitched breath when her orgasms hits with my fingers still very much lodged inside of her.

My eyes widen at the sudden gush of liquid that soaks my hand when her waist rises clear off the bed. It’s something I’ve only ever seen in porn before. To witness a woman squirting right in front of me -  _because_  of me - is an amazing spectacle, especially from a woman as beautiful as her. I look back at her face and see a clear line of sweat beaded along her forehead. Her mouth is hanging open and her eyes are squeezed shut as her body is wracked with pleasure. It crests then gradually falls, and I absently give her g-spot another couple of strokes before she eventually succeeds in squirming away from me.

Her cum seeps into my sheets as my fingers withdraw from her pussy. My hand is coated in her slick, and I’ve never before felt so strong an urge to taste something. I lick along my palm like a barbarian without table manners and groan my appreciation at the taste. When I suck my fingers into my mouth, I notice Kinsoo watching me. Her face is flushed pink; it could be from her body’s exertions just now, but she also looks sheepish. Is she actually  _blushing_  over the single hottest experience of my life?

“I can’t believe I… I mean… Ah, I’m sorry. I’ve never done that,” she confesses quietly.

I grin at her. “I’ve never done that before either. That was… intense. Incredible, I mean.”

She laughs nervously and shifts higher on the bed. “I must’ve gotten the sheets all wet, though. Sorry about that.”

The wet spot is definitely bigger than most I’ve dealt with, but I honestly couldn’t care less.

“No big deal,” I assure her. “It’s not as bad as the first time I tried shower sex, and it was such a failure that we just came back to the bed to fin-”

Now it’s my turn to blush as I quickly cut off my own sentence and wonder why exactly I am sharing this with her.

 _Jeon, you idiot, she doesn’t want to hear about one of your past sexual escapades while in the middle of one with you right_ now _!_

Surprisingly, Kinsoo laughs again, and this time it doesn’t have a nervous undertone. “Everyone has failed shower sex. Still, though, I’m sorry for, uh, making a mess.”

“Don’t be. It was an honor to make this mess,” I say, hoping I sound sexy and encouraging. I crawl up the mattress to pin her below me before adding, “Do you think you could do it again?”

She smirks coyly at that. “You’re welcome to try and make me.” She pulls me down for a kiss even after knowing where my mouth has been, which is another thing no other girl I’ve been with has done before; they would always shy away from kissing me after getting head.

I let more of my body weight sink onto her and groan again as she wraps her tongue around mine. For the first time in a while, I realize just how hard my dick is throbbing for attention. Kinsoo must sense it, too, because she reaches down to palm it through my boxers. My breath hitches and my arms tremble at her touch.

“Please, let me fuck you,” I whisper onto her lips. I’ve never begged someone like this, but I don’t even care how desperate I must sound.

“Do it,” she urges.

She moves her lips to trail wet kisses along my shoulder as I lean away to rummage through my nightstand and grab a condom. I kick my boxers off and sit back on my heels to wrap the latex on my leaking red cock.

Once I am confident the condom is secure with enough room leftover at the tip, I lower my body back onto Kinsoo’s to line myself up at her entrance and push inside. She is still plenty wet enough, and I slip in a little faster and a little further than I mean to in one go. Kinsoo doesn’t seem to mind the quick stretch, however. She hooks her legs around my waist and digs the heels of her feet into my lower back. She also wraps her arms around my neck and uses all of her limbs to pull me in until I bottom out.

“Oh my-  _fuck_ ,” I hiss at the feeling of her tight warmth encasing me. I scrunch my eyes shut and carefully shift my weight onto my elbows, giving both of us time to adjust to the full fit.

It isn’t until Kinsoo starts clenching her walls around me in a slow and steady pulse that I reopen my eyes. Our faces are close enough that I can feel her breath fanning against my chin from between her parted lips. Her cheeks are still rosy and her forehead is still sweaty. I can count each of the eyelashes fanned around the beautiful eyes staring so intently at me.

Without saying a word, I draw my hips back slowly, then press in deeply. Kinsoo’s mouth falls open just a little bit wider, and I can feel a tiny tremble course through her body from just that single small thrust. Her eyes do not waiver from mine.

The moment feels much more intimate than any I can recall ever experiencing, despite the fact that we do not know each other. It should be awkward to maintain eye contact with a stranger like this while I am balls-deep in her, but it isn’t, and I can’t explain why.

Kinsoo, however, must be feeling the awkwardness I am lacking, because she dips her eyebrows inward and asks me: “What? Is something wrong?”

I shake my head. “Nothing, just… you really are beautiful, you know?”

Her face bleeds a deeper shade of pink as she smiles and finally looks away from me. It’s as though she is not used to hearing this from people, which is difficult to imagine.

I smile back and bring a hand to one of her cheeks to make sure she is looking at me when I thrust into her again. Then again. And again. Our smiles become lips bitten between teeth as we build up a rhythm and a sweat. The steady creaking of the mattress adds to the stream of moans coming from us and the slick, slapping sounds of our hips and genitals.

Even through the dulled sensation of the condom, the wet friction she is giving me brings me alarmingly fast to the brink coming. I pull out to just the tip and hold there for a moment, panting and collecting myself.

Kinsoo runs her fingers along the back of my sweaty neck, scratching my skin lightly with her nails. “Are you close?” she asks, equally breathless.

I let out a small, embarrassed laugh. “Yeah, fuck. You feel so fucking good.”

She hums. “Mm, so do you, baby. It’s okay, you can let go.”

The pet name hits a note with me and I groan as I plunge back in to the hilt. The subsequent half a dozen thrusts are sloppy and stuttered as I grind out my pleasure at the bottom of her pulsing pussy. As soon as my balls lurch and the intense heat shoots up the length of my dick, I crush my lips to hers, wanting to connect with her as much as possible in the moment.

My body heaves to cope with the force of my orgasm, and Kinsoo swallows the groan of ecstasy I emit. I vaguely worry that the condom will burst with the amount of cum I am spurting into it, but Kinsoo keeps her legs firmly locked around my waist to keep me in place, and she doesn’t let me go until my climax has fully ebbed.

I slowly withdraw from her and take off the filled condom - thankful that it is indeed still intact - to throw it away. When I return to her side, Kinsoo draws me close against her side and brushes my sticky bangs off my forehead.

“Wanted you to come with me,” I complain against her neck.

“Trust me, you already gave me an  _amazing_  orgasm,” she says with a giggle.

But I have always been an overachiever and a hard worker, so I proceed to give her two more - one sucked through her clit, and, after I get hard again, one with my dick lodged against her g-spot. She doesn’t squirt again as I was hoping, but she seems more than satiated when she falls away from my lap and presses a hand to her glistening forehead.

I discard the second used condom of the night and hurriedly fetch a bottle of water from the kitchen before returning to her side. She thanks me and downs several gulps before handing it back.

“That was fantastic,” she tells me between breaths. “Thank you.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” I reply with a grin.

Once her breathing evens out, she gets up from the bed, and I watch as she bends to grab her panties and pull them back up her legs.

_Is she really leaving so soon?_

Before she can reach for any more of her clothes, something compels me to stop her; something like the fear of waking up in the morning (or closer to mid-afternoon, to be honest) and discovering none of this was even real.

I lick my lips and say, “Wait, you can stay the night. I’d, um, like you to.”

Kinsoo turns and looks at me with an expression I cannot read. I wait for her to burst out laughing at me, but she doesn’t. Instead, her eyes soften, and she nods as she climbs back into bed with me. We settle ourselves comfortably and lie in silence for a few moments.

Eventually, Kinsoo points out a poster on the wall. “Oh, I loved that movie. The sequel kind of sucked, though.”

“So did the prequel they released,” I add, to which she laughs a hearty agreement. “Worst waste of money.”

“Right? But the soundtrack was decent, at least,” she grants.

“I’m actually working choreographing a dance to the main theme song,” I share a little proudly.

Kinsoo shifts to face me and asks, “Really? Are you a dancer?”

I nod. “Yeah. Jimin - the blonde guy I was with at the bar - and I actually own a place downtown. A dance studio.”

“Really?” she repeats, sounding impressed. “That’s so cool. No wonder your legs look the way they do.”

I laugh at that. “The dancing helps, yeah, but I work out a lot, too.”

“Gotta keep up that perfect body to go with your perfect personality, huh?” she says. In some tones, that statement could sound sarcastic, but she seems sincere with her words again.

“How do  _you_  know my personality is so perfect?” I tease.

Kinsoo places a hand on my chest and gazes into my eyes. Her eyes are mirthful but her tone is soft and serious when she says, “I just do.”

I am unsure how to respond to that, so I simply blush and smile at her. She smiles back widely and goes on to tell me everything she enjoyed about my favorite movie.

We fall into easy conversation on a myriad of topics until well past the time the sun has risen outside. When Kinsoo finally falls asleep beside me, a small smile is still curled on her lips.

 

* * *

 

Jimin congratulates me excitedly for “scoring big” but wonders why I am bothering to go on an actual date with my “random bar hookup.”

And I stress  _immensely_  over that first date, too. I want it to be perfect, want to say the perfect things at the perfect times to make her laugh, to make her see me as someone worthy of her time. But Kinsoo sees right past my efforts and tells me over dessert at the fanciest restaurant I can afford that I don’t have to try so hard because “she can already tell I am a good person.” Then she insists on paying the tab herself.

We gradually learn more about one another over the weeks to come. I tell her details about the choreographies I am constructing, and she tells me she is a teacher, but doesn’t give specifics. I tell her about my family, and she tells me she also has a brother, but no parents. I tell her I have always been afraid to try “ass things,” and she helps me discover my prostate with probing fingers and a devilish grin. She tells me she wants to try to get off with just my “perfect” thigh, and I let her buck on my jeans until she gasps and collapses in my arms in an impressive orgasm.

At some point early on, I realize Kinsoo is an amazing girlfriend. She teases me often about my gaming hobby, but not so much that it hurts my feelings. She gives me insight on how to solve problems myself rather than solving them for me. She doesn’t cling, she doesn’t dote, and she doesn’t nag.

A few months into our budding relationship, before Summer’s heat has waned, I meet her at her front door for a date whose number I have lost track of. She’s wearing a bright pink string bikini that she has to put back on again after she lets me tear it off her because I “can’t go on our date with a raging boner the entire time.”

Ice cream drips down our fingers from sugar cones as we walk along the beach. At one point, she boldly reaches over and wipes one of her sticky fingers directly on my cheek. I gasp in pretend offense and proceed to run the whole side of my cream-streaked hand against her cheek, then punctuate the return attack with pokes of my fingertips across her forehead. She laughs heartily and retaliates with a jab to my nose with her entire scoop of strawberry.

That same night, while sitting on her back porch looking at the endless splattering of stars poking through the inky sky, she confesses to me that what she actually does for a living is hire and train people to kill for money. The image of a ruthless, cold-hearted assassin does not fit with the woman who was giggling barefoot on the hot sand just a few hours earlier; the woman I am falling head over heels for. I wait for her to deliver the punchline, but she doesn’t. It takes me a couple days to believe her, and two  _more_  days to fully appreciate the level of trust that revelation shows. It is a sign of commitment, and I cherish it.

One day, I meet her five-minute-younger twin brother - one of her very own assassins, even - and I am almost shocked by just how much he really resembles her. He often looks at Kinsoo with amusement in his eyes whenever the three of us are together, like there is some sort of inside joke between them that I am not a part of. He calls her “Kiki” in the most endearing way, but that is a courtesy not extended to me. Taehyung is always polite and has an easy grin but seems overall disinterested in knowing me. His sister, on the other hand,  _always_  seems happy to spend time with me, which is enough for me.

One night, I bolt awake at the sound of Kinsoo panting heavily beside me from no doing of my own. She tells me it was just a nightmare and I needn’t worry. She won’t let me in her head with her. She never lets me get too close, but I don’t mind. I just hold her and lie awake the rest of the night, staring at her sleeping form as the moonlight rotates across the window.

More time passes with the sun and the moon continuing their chronic chase after one another. More days of laughter and yearning to discover everything there is to know about her. More nights spent inside and beside her.

Jimin tells me he can’t understand why I’ve become so “sickeningly smitten.” He can’t understand that I am in love, possibly for the first true time. It’s not something I can explain to him, either. Love is something one  _feels_ , not describes in words.

And I know, without a doubt, that Kim Kinsoo - a strong enigma of a woman with a beautiful laugh and noble intentions for her illegal job - is in love with me, too.

 

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